You know what I miss? Secret handshakes. I used to think they were so cool. (Still do!) And I would make tons with my friends. I think i'm gonna try and bring em back. Who's with me?!
Really? Come on! They're awesome! Especially if you get a good rhythm goin...
Yeahhh It's the middle of the night again. Not sleeping. You know what that means. Long, rambling entry.
You know, something that kind of gives me a kick, is looking through people's old myspace or xanga entries. I've said that everyone should keep a journal, because you're writing your history books, and it's fun to see how you've grown. But what's just as fun is, to see how friends have grown too.
(Haha, I bet everyone's gonna be hella paranoid about their old middle school azn stickycaps stage.)
And if you're wondering. I did make a xanga in about 8th grade, but I never used it. Meh.
I looked above, and I realized I haven't said "hella" in, well a hella long time. haha. I remember when I first moved to CA in 7th grade, and was going to school in Fremont, I didn't understand this bay area slang at all. I was like, "wtf, what's hella mean?" and I'd get weird contradicting definitions, or overly simplified ones like, "very" or "a lot of". Obviously, now I get it, but it's just a context-based vernacular you have to pick up after years.
One thing that gets me, is that I get jealous of people who actually enjoyed middle school. For the most part, I hated my middle school experience. I was an awkward kid. haha. hoho.
But I guess it's sort of akin to people who hated high school, which I pretty much enjyed. (At least the later parts around junior-senior year)
And I talked to a good friend from 6th grade a while back, and he STILL wont let it down, the time we went to see Lord of the Rings (the first one) with some friends, and I ate too many skittles and drank like a liter of soda, and then I barfed in his car on the way back.
Boys Like Girls
You know, I kind of really like this band. Yeah, I'm not ashamed to say it...
Ok, I'm a little ashamed. Since if I were to go to one of their concerts, the majority of the fanbase would probably be middle school fangirls, but whatever. With lyrics like, "let's get drunk and drive around", or "i've had too much to smoke, too much to drink..." and these "tweens" aren't even old enough to drive, drink and smoke, it's kind of funny.
One of the great things I like about their album is, well I like the whole album. I actually like every song on there, which is pretty rare in itself, since I'm sure with most people, you don't like EVERY single song on an artist's CD.
Plus, something I love is, the album just progresses along naturally. Like, if you listen to each song in the track order, it makes sense. And by the end, the last song uses a verse from the first song, and it actually reaches closure and it just feels....great.
You should try it. If you don't have the patience, at least listen to "The Great Escape" and then "Holiday". But the whole album is really great.
Another thing is, I don't really know why, but like I mentioned before, a lot of times my brain associates music with certain thoughts or memories, and with the Boys Like Girls album, it reminds me a lot of High School, and just being younger in general. My favorite song, for example, is "Holiday", and if you take a look at the lyrics, you'll get what I'm coming from. Plus the whole, slow, mellow mood of it, sort of massages your brain to just ooze out the nostalgia.
"When I was younger I used to be wildAs wild as an elephant's child
And I don't think I'll ever change
I think I'm gonna stay the same"
As I look back to my younger years, like freshman and sophomore year of HS, yeah, I think I was pretty wild. I did some crazy stuff, some stupid stuff, some memorable stuff. And I know things that would probably make you crap bricks.
"All of the wasted time
The hours that were left behind
The answers that we'll never find
They don't mean a thing tonight "
Now that I think about it, there's a lot of guys I've known in the past, that have more than their share of embarrassing music tastes. It's safe to say, I'm not the only one that can lipsync to an NSync or BSB song. I mean, have you noticed how many lipsyncs there are out there on youtube? So Yeah, we like to deny it, but guys listen to a lot of the same stuff girls do too. (Taylor Swift anyone?)
"Lastly, I think another reason why I like these songs (mainly by females) is because I like to imagine what it'd be like to have someone special be writing these songs about me. That might be super homo, but whatever, I'm saying it. I've written enough music about certain special people, I feel entitled to imagine a song for me. haha. I think I first thought of this when I started listening to Colbie Caillat and wishing she were singing to me (dang she's so good). I know girls fantasize about having a guy write a song about/for them...so f the double standards and let me do the same!"
- Philip Wang
"Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone...."
Errr....uhhh. "Play artist Metallica!" (haha, remember that commercial?)
Recently, (as in the past 3-4 months) I've been thinking about it, and I kind of want a tattoo. But at the same time, I don't know if I really see myself as the type of guy that would get one. But if I did, the one I would definitely get is this.
yeah. none of that cliche chinese character crap like "fire" or "peace" that non-chinese get. When I mentioned the possibility to my dad, all he said was that he wasn't going to say yes or no, since I'm old enough to make decisions on my own now (wow deep), but the advice he gave was, whatever it is, make sure it's something you won't regret in 20 years.
And yeah, I can't regret my last name.
Sort of inspire by Jin's tattoo.
I'd love it on my neck, but I'd never be able to get one for fear of scaring off future employers. I'd probably get it on the top of my arm, near my shoulder. Easy to hide with a t-shirt if needed.
Although, there is a sort of, "deep"/BS-filled explanation I've developed in my head for it. Some not fun stuff coming up, so skip ahead if you want.
But I was thinking, a reason why I'd want to get something so PERMANANT, have such a committment done, is to serve as a sort of a catharsis for me. Like how I've, "become so asian" as most of my friends have said. My older sister even told my mom she thought it was a "phase" I was going through, which I was sort of offended by.
But really, part of the reason I think that I've embraced my culture and heritage so much is because of how(and more importantly where) I grew up. I think I've mentioned it before, but there's so many people living in California (and the Bay Area for that matter) that don't realize what kind of Bubble they live in. And that Asian-Americans in other parts of US, are having a completely different experience as them. It's hard to explain without sounding cliche. But I'm betting most of the people reading this right now (if you're Asian-American) have never had the experience of looking in the mirror, and wishing that you were a paler shade of "yellow", or that their eyes weren't different from everyone elses. Although that's a good thing, because it really sucks. Really. Wishing you were white? May sound nuts to you, but whatever. I doubt you've ever been called a Chink, by someone who meant it.
It's also why I don't like guys that are frail, and skinny. Like, some of the younger guys at AYSC Lion Dance, who can't do a decent pushup, I always think, "damn, you guys wouldn't last a second where I'm from". I have to concede, when I was younger, I was a short, skinny asian kid. But I think it was around late elementary school, that I started doing pushups, and just trying to bulk myself up, which explains why I'm at the state I am today. Because I was the only Asian kid around, I didn't want to make my race look bad by being a skinny, weak, Asian kid. So I guess subconsciously, although it makes no sense, whenever I see a skinny, or just weak Asian guy, it feels a bit to me like they're making the rest of us look bad.
I really look up to Bruce Lee, and he's one of my idols because of this. Before him, Chinese, or Asian guys in general, had that "weak men of the east' stereotype. And Bruce smashed that, with his crazy skills, and insane body.
I'm sort of disappointed though, (even though it's sort of a good thing) that I've never been in a fight in my life. Like a real, street fight. All this working out, training, and I've never been able to use it. Maybe it's just my male testosterone talking. haha. I always had this small fantasy in the back of my mind, where some guy would be harassing some skinny Asian kid, spouting off some racial epithets, and I would just beat the shit out of him. Sorry, that's a bit violent. Yeah I know, two wrongs don't make a right. blah blah. Walk a mile in my shoes.
But I guess it sounds like the logic of, "I spent all this time stocking up my bomb shelter, and there's no nuclear war!". Kind of.
I realize now that I'm kind of overgeneralizing. I don't know everyone's own personal situation. Even within the Bay Area.
And I know that everyone, even Asians, can be racist. Like I remember, I was talking to Steph a while back, and she told me how when she was going out with Murray, his parents didn't really like, or approve of her, just because she was half white (and doesn't look Asian-enough I guess) and that hurt her. Which is pretty fucked.
I remember, even when I lived on the east coast, with like zero Asians, my parents(my mom actually) would every now and then mention how I should marry an Asian girl. WTF? And that was back when I preferred White girls, so I usually just scoffed it off in a, "like that'll ever happen" kind of way.
Whew.
Enough of that crap.
Not fun to read, not fun to think about. But whatever. Can't hide from your past.
It's that time of year again. Seniors thinking about college. Anxious to graduate. Looking to us, the "older, wiser" ones for advice. And I find that whatever I say, it's the same for all of them. Sure, you're excited now to get out of High School, and FREEDOM and all of that, but I just say:
"Enjoy it. It'll pass by too quick."
*Sigh*
It's crazy seeing some people grow up. Sometimes my brain is still stuck itn he past, I see these people as still being 8th graders or freshmen, and holy crap, you're going to college now? Mostly it's old church friends. Like, I've met these kids back when they were in middle school, and it's weird being able to see them grow up this quick. I sound so old. haha.
Crap. losing momentum. I'm not even that tired yet.
Whatever. I think this is long enough.
Hmm, I just realized that there's so many random topics floatinga round in this post (and most of my posts really) that i could separate it into separate entries. Nah. I'm too lazy. Plus you get to see how my brain works and what brings me to what topic off the top of my head.
5:25am. Good night.
