So, last week, I traveled to Boston for the weekend.
Yep. Weekend before finals, when everyone else is studying, I'm on a 6-hour plane ride to the east coast.

Why?




My sister, got her masters at freakin' HARVARD. Yeah.
My parents do compare me to her. -_-
Even my friends' parents compare their kids to her. haha.

But then, thanks to a little thing called Twitter, I noticed that Wesley Chan, of Wong Fu Productions, whom I've met a few times, was also in town! So I sent him a little comment on facebook, and forgot about it. Just a small, "oh, i'm in bawwston too lolz!"
So After the commencement ceremony, the family and I were eating at a vietnamese restaurant near Harvard Square. I'm bored, so I check my phone, fb, twitter, and then i notice, Wes just @reply'd me.

"wai, lay hai been doh lah? wanna meet up?"
Cantonese for, "Hey, where are you?"

So, like a giddy schoolgirl, I msg, and type as fast as I can on my phone, to iron out the details, give him my number, and sure enough, he texts me, we meet up at the Harvard bookstore (known as the Coop.)

And I get to hang out for 3 hours with one of the coolest guys ever.





Whilst it was cool, getting to talk about stuff, shoot the breeze, he did keep making me pose for these "impromptu" photoshoots. Like if we'd see a graffitied wall, or a cool moped, Wes would go into photography mode, and it'd feel HELLA awkward. But i admit, his skills are cool, and the pics do look epic.




After Boston, I traveled to my hometown less than an hour away. Manchester, NH.

And I took a walk down this lane....you might know the name.

(psst. it's memory. memory lane. get it? course you did. you're smart.)

Oh man. Nostalgia overload. I felt like I traveled 7 years in the past. Some things had changed, but mostly it'd stayed the same. I'd forgotten how small-town and rural it was. Some streets are soo effing dark at night. They need to install some more streetlights.




That was the last house I lived in in NH. Man. East Coast homes are so much better than the ones we have in Alameda. Seriously. No basement? Oh yeah earthquakes.


I went back to my old middle school (though I only attended for 6th grade.)



AND My elementary school (from grades 4-6). I tried going in, but some lady yelled at me. haha.




Met up with childhood friends I hadn't seen in almost 8 years!

Crazy stuff.

It all seemed so surreal. Puberty does weird things to people. haha.

As much as I like to distance myself from this place, I have to admit, it did feel a bit like coming "home". Sure, I don't know the city at all, since we moved before I could learn to drive, whereas I could get around Alameda super easily, 12 years in a place does something to you. Good and Bad.

I started thinking. What if?
What if I had gone away to the East Coast for college?



Back in High School, I did look at a few schools on the east coast, mostly in Boston, that interested me. While I was visting, I stayed at my sister's apartment in Boston, which was right by Suffolk University, and looking around, I really liked the campus. The whole city has this sort of classic, brickhouse, old pub style to its architecture. And I was thinking, wow, I wouldn't have minded going here for college.

What if?
What if I had gone to college in Boston? I used to think, I could never leave CA and go that far. I wouldn't see my friends for like, 9 months out of the year. Then again, I'd be so much closer to all the friends I'd missed out on for the past 7 years. Fair trade?

I wonder if there's some alternate reality where I am in Boston for college. I wonder what he'd say to me.
Then again I bet he'd be some abercrombie-hollister wearing douchebag.
Haha. I kid.



I miss that town, I miss the faces.
Can't care to erase, Can't care to replace it.
I miss it now, I can't believe it,
So hard to stay, too hard to leave it.
I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change.

Every memory of looking out the back door,
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor.
It's hard to say it,
Time to say it,
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door,
I found the photo of the friend I was looking for.
It's hard to say it,
Time to say it,
Goodbye, goodbye







Oh and gawd. One thing I miss so much.



Dunkin Donuts is the greatest. Period. I don't care for Krispey Kreme. It's ALL about the dunkin.
Their coffee is so good. I'd get theirs over starbucks any day.
California needs to get some more.

"Time machines do exist,
in the form of music.
So easily a song can take you to a time in your past, and make you feel like you're there again."

So I'm an extremely nostalgic person. Random things can act as a trigger to send me days, months, years in the past, where I like to linger until I'm forced to return to the present.
It's happened more often that, this is completely involuntary. I may not even want to go back there. But I'm just stuck for the ride.

"I cant listen to Abba anymore. That's ruined. I cant watch ballroom dancing. My parents insist on dancing now. That's all they talk about now. My life changed for her. Hers changed for mine. She wants to go back to who she was, before me, before Billy, before everyone else. It's not possible. You meet people along the way, and you either take them for the ride or you dont. I caught on, captivated by her. I loved every minute of it, but I saw she was sad, she was frustrated, she was getting sick. I tried, I didn't notice. Work was catching up with me and her, and she just had to shed something. The one thing that brought me joy, the one thing that seperated me from the rest of the guys, that was her. Now I'm just like every single one of my single friends. I liked having someone. There's that thing. That past tense. I just cant bring myself to let go."

(>http://columnistmanifesto.blogspot.com/2009/05/on-tip-of-my-frontal-lobe.html)


I can't listen to Bright Eyes anymore.
Joshua Radin.
Vienna Teng.
Regina Spektor.
I can't go to Java Rama.
Glowing Plushies.
Dogtags.
Ferris Wheels.
Postcards. (The first time i'd actually received like, a genuine postcard. No one seems to use snailmail anymore.)
Chocolate Eggs.
Fireworks.
Elaborate Earrings.
The Eiffel Tower.
Chopstick stands. (I can actually make a paper chopstick stand sorta decently now.)
Merry-Go-Rounds.

brian (1:10:21 AM): my friend said that prom was the bomb
erik (1:10:35 AM): it was
erik (1:10:43 AM): oh yeah
erik (1:10:44 AM): its tonight huh
brian (1:10:49 AM): yeup
brian (1:13:26 AM): he said it was really fun
brian (1:13:32 AM): makes me nostalgic
erik (1:10:43 AM): I know huh

It's so crazy. A year's already passed since my own prom. Oh how time goes by

You know, I hate when this happens, (and it seems to happen a lot to me), when I get like a sudden urge of thirst, or a supreme craving for some beverage or something, and I pop open a new bottle or a can of soda or something, and I just take one gulp, and then I'm satisfied have no interest in it anymore. Feels like such a waste. yeah I could put it in the fridge or something but still, something about it bugs me.

Updated the banner design. I guess I get bored with them easily, but I think it helps keep things fresh. I didn't intentionally do this, (although maybe I did subconciously) but it sort of tells a little story from left to right. See if you can see it.

I've noticed that some of my posts have a sort of formula going now. Maybe it's a naturally progressing writing style that I have, and I've begun to notice it because I spend too much time on this thing. oy.
First, random observational digression. Probably a universally common pet peeve that everyone can relate to, or a quirky observation.
Then the reader sludges on into the entry as it gets deeper and deeper, like when NASA sends a satellite into a jovian, gaseous planet, where as it penetrates deeper and deeper(That's What She Said), and it finds it's way into a thick slushie mess. (Props to my Astronomy professor for that analogy.)
Yeah. My blog, (I still hate that word. Sounds like the name of a creature that lives on a riverbed and communicates through farts.) is like a satellite crashing into Jupiter. Woot!
Except, instead of landing in space slushie, you land into my pseudo-deep, emo, whiny, insomniac-driven ramblings.

Yep.





"Its been established, I hate being single. I miss the feeling of having someone to hold and to nuzzle and kiss. What is it that I want? Why do I pine after her?

So what if I get her? What do I want? I dont know. I'm so sappy."
(via http://columnistmanifesto.blogspot.com/ )

A friend of mine posted this recently on his...erhm...journal. And I've noticed that, before when he was with his girlfriend, he rarely posted, maybe once every few months, but now he's been posting nearly every day. Some of the posts being short stories or amusing anecdotes. I guess it's sort of an emotional outlet. I'm sorry Zach. Yeah it's tough. Sorry I don't have much to say, since I'm not any better off than you are. But what I am good at is listening.
It's like Wong Fu said about their romantic shorts, it's their outlet since they don't have girlfriends.
Wonder what that says about me. haha. oh.



You know, even though Fashion changes so often, I like that some fashion always stays the same. Particularly formalwear. That's such a great idea, to never change how a tux, or a suit and tie looks, even through decades, because for the most part, on occasions that warrant such attire, if you have photographs(I like to think that there IS a difference between "photographs" and "pics", but that's another story), or videos of the event, months, years, and even decades later, you can look back, and there's this sort of timelessness that it holds.


Amazing Watercolor by David Scheirer (from Tuesday Comic)
http://www.studiotuesday.com











*sigh*
Wiping away old cobwebs.

I'm not sure if anyone's noticed, but I (usually) like to have the song playing match the recent entry that accompanies it. Mostly to let people hear the music playing when I'm writing it, or set the right tone. So yeah, if you're not already. Play that stuff. Then read on.

I woke up about an hour ago. Sans alarm. Just normal, body-waking-up mechanism, (along with the intense need to pee like a racehorse) which actually was sort of nice. It's been kind of a chilly morning, which I kinda like. That along with the Postal Service, has sent me into a flashback. Back. Junior Year. 7:40AM. When I'd blearily wake up, roll out of bed, and just haphazardly get ready for school. Out the door by 7:53. Take a brisk walk down Alameda Ave towards campus, mp3 player plugged to my ears, as I went to first period French. And the song, "Sleeping In".
Nice song to wake up to, and try to wake up my brain. also because, I really did want to sleep in.

But look at it further, and its lyrics are about a simpler world. I'm sure everyone wishes Life would be simpler.

"Last week I had the strangest dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed...

No concerns about the world getting warmer
People thought that they were just being rewarded
For treating others as they'd like to be treated
For obeying stop signs and curing diseases
For mailing letters with the address of the sender
Now we can swim any day in November

Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping in . . .
Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping in . . .
Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping in . . . "

You know what I miss? Secret handshakes. I used to think they were so cool. (Still do!) And I would make tons with my friends. I think i'm gonna try and bring em back. Who's with me?!

Really? Come on! They're awesome! Especially if you get a good rhythm goin...

Yeahhh It's the middle of the night again. Not sleeping. You know what that means. Long, rambling entry.

You know, something that kind of gives me a kick, is looking through people's old myspace or xanga entries. I've said that everyone should keep a journal, because you're writing your history books, and it's fun to see how you've grown. But what's just as fun is, to see how friends have grown too.

(Haha, I bet everyone's gonna be hella paranoid about their old middle school azn stickycaps stage.)

And if you're wondering. I did make a xanga in about 8th grade, but I never used it. Meh.

I looked above, and I realized I haven't said "hella" in, well a hella long time. haha. I remember when I first moved to CA in 7th grade, and was going to school in Fremont, I didn't understand this bay area slang at all. I was like, "wtf, what's hella mean?" and I'd get weird contradicting definitions, or overly simplified ones like, "very" or "a lot of". Obviously, now I get it, but it's just a context-based vernacular you have to pick up after years.

One thing that gets me, is that I get jealous of people who actually enjoyed middle school. For the most part, I hated my middle school experience. I was an awkward kid. haha. hoho.

But I guess it's sort of akin to people who hated high school, which I pretty much enjyed. (At least the later parts around junior-senior year)

And I talked to a good friend from 6th grade a while back, and he STILL wont let it down, the time we went to see Lord of the Rings (the first one) with some friends, and I ate too many skittles and drank like a liter of soda, and then I barfed in his car on the way back.

Boys Like Girls

You know, I kind of really like this band. Yeah, I'm not ashamed to say it...
Ok, I'm a little ashamed. Since if I were to go to one of their concerts, the majority of the fanbase would probably be middle school fangirls, but whatever. With lyrics like, "let's get drunk and drive around", or "i've had too much to smoke, too much to drink..." and these "tweens" aren't even old enough to drive, drink and smoke, it's kind of funny.

One of the great things I like about their album is, well I like the whole album. I actually like every song on there, which is pretty rare in itself, since I'm sure with most people, you don't like EVERY single song on an artist's CD.

Plus, something I love is, the album just progresses along naturally. Like, if you listen to each song in the track order, it makes sense. And by the end, the last song uses a verse from the first song, and it actually reaches closure and it just feels....great.

You should try it. If you don't have the patience, at least listen to "The Great Escape" and then "Holiday". But the whole album is really great.

Another thing is, I don't really know why, but like I mentioned before, a lot of times my brain associates music with certain thoughts or memories, and with the Boys Like Girls album, it reminds me a lot of High School, and just being younger in general. My favorite song, for example, is "Holiday", and if you take a look at the lyrics, you'll get what I'm coming from. Plus the whole, slow, mellow mood of it, sort of massages your brain to just ooze out the nostalgia.

"When I was younger I used to be wild
As wild as an elephant's child
And I don't think I'll ever change
I think I'm gonna stay the same"

As I look back to my younger years, like freshman and sophomore year of HS, yeah, I think I was pretty wild. I did some crazy stuff, some stupid stuff, some memorable stuff. And I know things that would probably make you crap bricks.

"All of the wasted time
The hours that were left behind
The answers that we'll never find
They don't mean a thing tonight "

Now that I think about it, there's a lot of guys I've known in the past, that have more than their share of embarrassing music tastes. It's safe to say, I'm not the only one that can lipsync to an NSync or BSB song. I mean, have you noticed how many lipsyncs there are out there on youtube? So Yeah, we like to deny it, but guys listen to a lot of the same stuff girls do too. (Taylor Swift anyone?)

"Lastly, I think another reason why I like these songs (mainly by females) is because I like to imagine what it'd be like to have someone special be writing these songs about me. That might be super homo, but whatever, I'm saying it. I've written enough music about certain special people, I feel entitled to imagine a song for me. haha. I think I first thought of this when I started listening to Colbie Caillat and wishing she were singing to me (dang she's so good). I know girls fantasize about having a guy write a song about/for them...so f the double standards and let me do the same!"

- Philip Wang

"Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone...."

Errr....uhhh. "Play artist Metallica!" (haha, remember that commercial?)

Recently, (as in the past 3-4 months) I've been thinking about it, and I kind of want a tattoo. But at the same time, I don't know if I really see myself as the type of guy that would get one. But if I did, the one I would definitely get is this.

yeah. none of that cliche chinese character crap like "fire" or "peace" that non-chinese get. When I mentioned the possibility to my dad, all he said was that he wasn't going to say yes or no, since I'm old enough to make decisions on my own now (wow deep), but the advice he gave was, whatever it is, make sure it's something you won't regret in 20 years.

And yeah, I can't regret my last name.

Sort of inspire by Jin's tattoo.

I'd love it on my neck, but I'd never be able to get one for fear of scaring off future employers. I'd probably get it on the top of my arm, near my shoulder. Easy to hide with a t-shirt if needed.

Although, there is a sort of, "deep"/BS-filled explanation I've developed in my head for it. Some not fun stuff coming up, so skip ahead if you want.
But I was thinking, a reason why I'd want to get something so PERMANANT, have such a committment done, is to serve as a sort of a catharsis for me. Like how I've, "become so asian" as most of my friends have said. My older sister even told my mom she thought it was a "phase" I was going through, which I was sort of offended by.
But really, part of the reason I think that I've embraced my culture and heritage so much is because of how(and more importantly where) I grew up. I think I've mentioned it before, but there's so many people living in California (and the Bay Area for that matter) that don't realize what kind of Bubble they live in. And that Asian-Americans in other parts of US, are having a completely different experience as them. It's hard to explain without sounding cliche. But I'm betting most of the people reading this right now (if you're Asian-American) have never had the experience of looking in the mirror, and wishing that you were a paler shade of "yellow", or that their eyes weren't different from everyone elses. Although that's a good thing, because it really sucks. Really. Wishing you were white? May sound nuts to you, but whatever. I doubt you've ever been called a Chink, by someone who meant it.

It's also why I don't like guys that are frail, and skinny. Like, some of the younger guys at AYSC Lion Dance, who can't do a decent pushup, I always think, "damn, you guys wouldn't last a second where I'm from". I have to concede, when I was younger, I was a short, skinny asian kid. But I think it was around late elementary school, that I started doing pushups, and just trying to bulk myself up, which explains why I'm at the state I am today. Because I was the only Asian kid around, I didn't want to make my race look bad by being a skinny, weak, Asian kid. So I guess subconsciously, although it makes no sense, whenever I see a skinny, or just weak Asian guy, it feels a bit to me like they're making the rest of us look bad.

I really look up to Bruce Lee, and he's one of my idols because of this. Before him, Chinese, or Asian guys in general, had that "weak men of the east' stereotype. And Bruce smashed that, with his crazy skills, and insane body.

I'm sort of disappointed though, (even though it's sort of a good thing) that I've never been in a fight in my life. Like a real, street fight. All this working out, training, and I've never been able to use it. Maybe it's just my male testosterone talking. haha. I always had this small fantasy in the back of my mind, where some guy would be harassing some skinny Asian kid, spouting off some racial epithets, and I would just beat the shit out of him. Sorry, that's a bit violent. Yeah I know, two wrongs don't make a right. blah blah. Walk a mile in my shoes.

But I guess it sounds like the logic of, "I spent all this time stocking up my bomb shelter, and there's no nuclear war!". Kind of.

I realize now that I'm kind of overgeneralizing. I don't know everyone's own personal situation. Even within the Bay Area.

And I know that everyone, even Asians, can be racist. Like I remember, I was talking to Steph a while back, and she told me how when she was going out with Murray, his parents didn't really like, or approve of her, just because she was half white (and doesn't look Asian-enough I guess) and that hurt her. Which is pretty fucked.
I remember, even when I lived on the east coast, with like zero Asians, my parents(my mom actually) would every now and then mention how I should marry an Asian girl. WTF? And that was back when I preferred White girls, so I usually just scoffed it off in a, "like that'll ever happen" kind of way.

Whew.

Enough of that crap.
Not fun to read, not fun to think about. But whatever. Can't hide from your past.

It's that time of year again. Seniors thinking about college. Anxious to graduate. Looking to us, the "older, wiser" ones for advice. And I find that whatever I say, it's the same for all of them. Sure, you're excited now to get out of High School, and FREEDOM and all of that, but I just say:

"Enjoy it. It'll pass by too quick."

*Sigh*

It's crazy seeing some people grow up. Sometimes my brain is still stuck itn he past, I see these people as still being 8th graders or freshmen, and holy crap, you're going to college now? Mostly it's old church friends. Like, I've met these kids back when they were in middle school, and it's weird being able to see them grow up this quick. I sound so old. haha.

Crap. losing momentum. I'm not even that tired yet.

Whatever. I think this is long enough.

Hmm, I just realized that there's so many random topics floatinga round in this post (and most of my posts really) that i could separate it into separate entries. Nah. I'm too lazy. Plus you get to see how my brain works and what brings me to what topic off the top of my head.

5:25am. Good night.

So, I kind of had a birthday last week. It was crazy, this year, it REALLY snuck up on me. I didn't realize how close it was until about a week before. Most people kind of expect it to be kind of a big deal, but really I didn't see anything special about it, and I still don't. 16 is big. You get to drive. 17 is big. you get to see R-movies. 18 is big. Adulthood. Cigarettes. Porno.(if you're into that.) 19? Totally breaks the cycle. You get nothing. You're a year older. That much closer to a "real" adult. That much farther away from adolescence, and being a "teen". Yes, it has teen in it, nineTEEN. so I do consider myself a teenager still. Maybe I'm in denial.

I felt like planning something fun, since the date was so close to spring break, but I couldn't think of anything, and was kind of lazy. Part of me just wanted something simple, with some friends, maybe catch some dinner, then chill on the shoreline checking out the skyline, taking lame pictures, and thinkin' deep thoughts. But I always get tripped up on invites. I like large social gatherings, but sometimes if it's too large, it's hard to manage and hang with everyone equally. Also, sometimes I feel almost obligated to invite some people, because I hung out with them on their birthday, and it'd feel rude not to return the favor. Lame and immature I know. And there are friends that, I've been really good friends with, but hadn't hung out with in a long while. And then there's the factor that, I know that friends might clash, and might not get along all too well, since I hang out with such a diverse group of people. It's all too much, so I don't like to bother. Whatevs.
And part of me just wanted to get hammered. Sorry.

I caught Lunch with Zach today, and we hung out over the afternoon, catching up a bit, and one thing he pointed out to me is that, in high school, we had some pretty competant teachers. There's so many talented faculty members at Alameda High, I mean, Dr. Dauber has a phd, AND an oscar (best documentary or something.), Mr. Duderstadt graduated from Stanford and has years of experience in the work field of what he teaches, Mr. Joo graduated from MIT and instead of making 6-figures is teaching chemistry to students. If only we had taken advantage of that when we were there.
By the way, calling me at 10am you pretty much guaranteed I'd be asleep Zach. I eventually caught up with you though.
I can't wait 'til we get the old Ole's gang together again. Do you like waffles? Yeah, we like waffles!

Sam turned 19 too. Happy Birthday Sam! Had hotpot for her birthday. tasty stuff.

So yeah. That's all pointless bull. I'm 19. For the most part, I don't feel much different. Besides the fact that I have to shave a bit more often, and my jeans are a lot less baggy.
I've been meaning to do this a while, make sort of a progression of change.
From back in my younger, balder days to now. And I realized, yeah, I think I have changed a lot. Even when I've looked back at my old myspace, which I haven't touched since 2007, even the way I type is different. (I cringe when I read old comments.)
At least I was never into that sTiCKycAPs nonsense. That crap is annoying.



Wow. That first pic is from summer of 06, at Worldview Academy. Gawd, puberty sucked. pimples and bumps all over my forehead. I'm glad my skin has decided to tone down since then.
And what's with the clothes? Wow. Hivemind much? Oversized t-shirt and baggy pants. Remember when that was cool? I mean, lame?



what a progression. craziness.
More wrinkles. Skin looking less youthful.
Dianne keeps telling me to get some cream for my eyebags. Bah.

"One of the greatest things about coming home after being away is the return to familiarity. Familiar places, sights, feelings, roads, friends. It’s the “default”. I often think of home as the “constant” in my life. While everything else in my life is up in the air in a whirlwind of variables, home stays consistent and therefore helps remind me of what’s real, and what’s important."

Phil Wang wrote that in his xanga. now that I look back on it, I know that he's wrong on that. Look a few posts below. Everything always changes. Even home. Alameda has changed so much, in such a little amount of time it's crazy. There's new restaurants, new shops, renovations. All within a year or two. After college, it'll probably be unrecognizeable.

And me. I've changed. And it's not photoshop. All of this happened in a span of 3 or 4 years. Some major changes in even less. So what will I be like after 4 years of college? Hell, what will my friends be like?

The thing that's starting to disturb me is, how damn uncertain I am of...pretty much everything.



For once in your life, just let go.






Brian, Steph, Matt, and Haidee went down to LA for the break. Wish I could've joined. Hope you guys are having fun. Save me a korean taco.



It's 5:09 AM. Time to sleep. This week's going by too quick. Thursday already? Dammit.

This still gives me chills.

The 90's really were great.

Yeah, I still kind of listen to them. I remember they were huge when I was in like 6th grade. Good times. Then everyone started hating on them for some reason. But they're still secretly my guilty (or guiltiest) pleasure. I admit, I haven't followed them much at all though. I've only heard a handful of songs from Minutes to Midnight, their most recent album, which isn't even that recent.
Maybe what I like is, aside from a few exceptions, their sound hasn't changed that much. Takes me back.

Leave out all the rest. I just heard this song the other day, and yeah, it's pretty typical linkin park, but I really like it. Sounds like a midlife crisis of sorts, kind of makes me think.

"I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here"

That was always a really depressing though. The idea of what kind of reflection it would be on your life by how many people were at your funeral.


On another note, I was looking through old pictures that I just haphazardly slapped into my external harddrive, and as I was uploading them, I realized that I hadn't hung out with so many friends in so long. And what sucks is, because I realized that, that also made me realize a pretty shitty thing. I was used getting to not hanging out with them. And that only meant that we were drifting apart.
And that just sucks.

LOL. my music library is on shuffle, and what just popped up is "Never Say Goodbye" by Bon Jovi.
Well played good sir.
I'm talking to my music player. That means it's late, I'm tired. Need to sleep.

So much for my miraculous sleep schedule change.

the next song that just popped up was "all-nighter" by Mayday. hah.



you know what's really insignificant, and miniscule, but I really miss right now?
Walking to first period french class, junior year, in the brisk morning air. I distinctly remember, sunny weather, but a cool air gently resting on my skin as I walk to campus, and listening to "Sleeping In" by The Postal Service, because I was pretty groggy, and that's exactly what I wanted to do.

Madame Labarre was a great teacher. I said that I would visit her, but I still haven't gone back to see any teachers since I've started college.
sigh. that's life. i mean, ce la vie. haha.
damn. that was really two years ago? crazy. time goes by too fast.

don't wake me I plan on sleeping in...

Whenever I get nostalgic, and I mean really nostalgic, it always feels weird, and scares me in a way. I feel like I'm packed and stuffed with more visions, memories, epiphanies than my head can sort out; it's almost physical. Like I can feel the thoughts squirming and crawling up my spine one vertebrae at a time, gushing through the back of my head, giving me that too much blood rushing to your head, dizzying, got up too fast feeling. It's an inexpressible experience. I don't know who said it, but I always loved the quote, "next to silence, that which comes closest to expressing the inexpressible is music."
Funny, since music can help trigger these too.




I've been out walking
I don't do too much talking
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to.


I've stopped my rambling,
I don't do too much gambling
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think about
How all the changes came about my ways
And I wonder if I'll see another highway.



speaking of music, for some odd reason, I've rediscovered (or rather discovered, since I never really cared for it before) the song, "Ride Wit Me" by Nelly. Pretty old school song, and the lyrical content is nothing to marvel at, but for some reason the chorus just hooks me in. In the past year or so I've become a much bigger R 'n B fan.






I will get up early tomorrow, and work out.

So it's late again, I'm not sleeping anytime soon, and there's no one I can bug or talk to.

Enough politics. I try to refrain from openly discussing my political views, because stuff gets pretty heated and like Jackie Chan, "I don't want trouble!".

I'm having one of those nights where, I'm going back to missing stuff. I hate to say "nostalgic", because I feel like I've more than overfilled this blog diary's quota for usage of the term. Ah screw it, I'll say it anyways. yeah I'm nostalgic.

The worst part is that I know I shouldn't be, because it causes me to miss out on the amazingness of now.

"the obstacle between us and happiness is the future itself. In other words, the real obstacle to our happiness is the way we place our notions of the future and our notions of the past between us and what we are actually living through right at this very moment."

Yeah yeah, I heard you the first time. It's probably not helping I keep lurking back to the my old facebook notes from graduation, rereading the comments, or that I keep listening to songs like "Here's to the Night". The whole concept of listening to depressing, nostalgic songs while feeling down doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Logically, I guess I should be trying to cheer myself up by watching lighthearted comedies or listening to fluffy pop songs. (Whatev. I wanna ditch the logical!)

I noticed the '09 seniors just had their Senior Banquet, and that made me think, "Man, I'm so jealous of these ungrateful young'ns. They've got so much fun stuff ahead and they don't even know what they've got, until it passes them by." I was confirmed of this when Alison told me that she was "fucking sick of high school. i can't wait till it's over." Aish. You'll see. Then again, I really don't miss High School itself, but the fun stuff that happened around it. Haha. There were times I felt like, this "school" and "studying" crap was getting in the way of me hanging out, and enjoying life. I mean, I sure as hell don't miss waking up at 8am (or later, as I was often tardy, which was followed by those annoying ass home phonecalls), the 40 min lunches, and the "high school drama". haha. I still feel like the term "drama" is...I don't know, such a fake, inflated term. Like the word itself has a sense of unwarranted self-worth. What I do miss is the people. The great thing about K-12 schooling is, you're trapped within the those walls with the same people every day. You're used to seeing them by default, and naturally, everyone takes this for granted. I hate to admit that most of the people I went to high school with I'll probably never see again. Facebook Friends? Friends when convenient? To get more specific, I miss the events. Senior Banquet, Senior Prom, Senior Trip, Grad Nite. On the last one, I vividly recall, as I went home to get ready, I had my mp3 put Eve 6's quintessential high school ending song on repeat, and as I stepped out into the cool night air, and made my final walk towards the glowing Alameda High campus, I consciously knew, "damn, I'm going to miss this."
The truth is, all of the best parts of High School everyone raves about, and so many teen movies base themselves, were exactly as I wanted them to be. I did my best to live every moment to the fullest, and I should be thankful for what I had. Because really, It was everything I wanted and more. I had the friends, excitement, experiences, struggles, lessons and so much more that completed what Senior year was about. There isn’t a thing I would change. So maybe that’s why I miss it so much. It really was everything I wanted and more, even if I didn't know it at the time.

So yeah, I tried to take some lessons to heart, but I realized, another part of what made these experiences so great was, they were with friends who I've known and bonded with throughout my high school career. New friends are great and all, but really, there's a certain x-factor that just isn't there yet.

Perhaps that's why I don't sleep, and subject myself to these bad habits.
The night before Teresa left for SD, we talked on the phone late into the night, and since her flight was early morning, I tried to get her to go to sleep so she wouldn't be utterly exhausted in the morning, but what she said, combatted anything I could say. She didn't want to sleep, because before she knew it, it'd be morning, and that'd be it. If you're asleep, you miss out on now. Being awake would be the only way to utilise the limited time that was left. Damn, I wish I could have worded it better, but I don't remember exactly how it went.

This feels kinda pathetic. Really Erik? You're still missing High School? It's been over for months now? When are you gonna let it go?

Am I right? Am I alone in this?


"Here's to the nights
We felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon..."












On another note,
I hate Belvedere. Who the hell drinks that stuff. Tastes awful.

There are a lot of things I miss, a lot of places to see again, moments I want to go back to. But there's one moment in particular (or rather, a set of moments) that I miss right now.

At the time, it may have seemed like an inconvenience, or a burden, because back then, when I didn't have a license, nor did any of my friends, and whenever I went to hang out on bay farm, I had to memorize the bus schedules, and either make it back before 12:32 (The last running bus) or be forced to make the walk to the main island. Needless to say, I've missed the narrow window of time more than once. Luckily, there were several times when my good friend Marc was there to act as late night companion, whether it was walking with me back to the main island, or waiting at the bus stop to shoot the breeze.
Marc, being the music guru he is, lent notice to me of a lot of great music during these times as well, Joseph Arthur, Joshua Radin, and the like. It's the song I'm listening to right now, Joseph Arthur's "In the Sun", that triggered this specific thought.

Sometimes we even chose to forgo the wait at the bus stop to take the long walk through the chilly but refreshing night air, which gave us time to vent, lift a weight off our chest, or just reflect. The stuff we went through at the time, whether is was girl troubles, college worries, or just worries in general, were let off during these late-night excursions. I remember once, I even walked around the entire island of Bay Farm (Some 3 miles I think?) with Marc and Matt, just talking.

Nothing in the world was more satisfying to me than walking around an abandoned, glowing city.
Even with a camera, a photograph couldn't have captured all the sights I was seeing, the senses I was feeling.

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."

I agree, I think the closest I can get back those memories is through music.






That’s where I want to be at this moment. Standing under the streetlights, at a bus stop, with a friend.

"Tis now the very witching time of night..."
- Hamlet, Act III Sc. II


I'm pretty tired, but I don't want to sleep. My body's screaming at me to do so, my eyelid's feel heavy, like those lead aprons that the dentist puts on you to take an x-ray, my feet are cold; there's no real reason for me to be up.

By all accounts, it's pretty reasonable to say that I should go to sleep (Perchance to dream?)
Yeah, I know I must be tired when I'm making allusions to Shakespeare.

But for the most part, I think I do want to sleep. But the part of me that wants to stay awake, is the sole minority that I'm choosing to follow. Why?
Don't really know. I probably can't explain it at all, and even if I could, it wouldn't make any sense to anyone not in my current state right now.

So in place, here are some PostSecret postcards I came across.

"..tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be fifty. And I'll still be doing this shit. And that's alright, that's fine. But you're sitting on a winning lottery ticket, and you're too much of a pussy to cash it in. And that's bullshit."


"Let me tell you what I do know. Everyday I come by your house and I pick you up. We go out, we have a few drinks, and a few laughs, and it's great, but you know what the best part of my day is? For about ten seconds from when I pull up to the curb and when I get to your door, 'cause I think maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye, No see you later, No nothing; Just left. I don't know much but I know that..."

Orange Walls and Blue Lockers...
Someone should write a song with that title.

I think a big part of growing up is seeing which friends last.
In school, you see so many people on a daily basis by default, sometimes you take them for granted.
But once you're removed from that,
you really start to notice who makes an effort for you,
and who you make an effort for.
Sorta sad... but everyone's got their own thing to do.
It's all good though, can't have everyone in your life forever.(Though I wish I could for some people.)
Thanks so much to all of my friends.
We had a blast, and I'm sorry if I don't keep in touch that well, it was something I was never good at.
The sucky thing about life is, it puts people on different paths.
I'll miss you all so much though.

I really hope you all keep in touch. Seriously. Even those of you I haven't talked
to or hung out with much. I agree the whole "Facebook Friends" ideology is kind of stupid. But chances are, if I added you,and we don't hang out, I probably
think you're cool or something and would like to get to know you better.
Or, you added me, and I didn't want to be mean and deny.
Either way, it's all good.

See you later Class of 2008. It's been a blast. Really.

I wonder how the 10 year, 20 year, hell maybe even 40 year reunion is going to be.



P.S.Hey Underclassmen! Enjoy the time you have left, as much as it sucks at the time, it'll go by way too damn quick.





"Heres the day you hoped would never come
Don’t feed me violins, just run -
With me through rows of speeding cars
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee’s never strong enough
I know you think it’s more than just bad luck

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up..."

Imported from Facebook; Friday, June 13, 2008 at 1:08am


"Hold on before its too late
We'll run 'til we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives

So Live like you mean it
Love 'til you feel it
It's all that we need in our lives
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real 'til it's gone..."