Lost

I feel lost.

The right side of my mouth has been killing me for the past day and a half. Like the right crack of it is ripped, and every time I close my mouth for more than a moment at a time, it wants to heal up that way, so when I open it a little more than halfway, it starts to rip again, and bugs the crap out of me. Ironically (or coincidentally? Don't bother me with that shit) it reminds me of the Joker's scars from Dark Knight. I have to constantly tongue that side of my mouth,(nursing my wounds? haha.) makes me feel like spouting off Joker's monologues.

"Do you want to know how I got these scars...?"

Haha. Nah. People already think I'm crazy. Don't need to add to that. Yet.

I should write more to myself. I find the most interesting blogs to read are the ones that the blogger writes to him or herself. It feels like I'm peeking a little bit into their mindset and their paradigm of the world. It was funny, a little while ago I could care less about everyone's xangas, blogs and whatnot, and now I have one.

I wish I had the motivation to keep a written journal. It sounds fun to look back on how you felt at a certain time, and either reflect on your growth and maturation, or just laugh at how fxcking stupid you were. Haha. To me, anything that's written feels so much more sincere, and authentic to it's e-counterpart. I discovered a certain appreciation for postcards this summer.

"Why does everything on a postcard end up sounding so cliché?"

I'm not sure I'll start a journal anytime soon, but I guess this will suffice for now.

Typing away on this laptop, and I'm thinking about how it feels like I haven't talked to any friends in ages. Sure it's only been a few days, but damn. Maybe it's because I'm not one to just give someone a call to chat.

"Have you ever noticed how often the most honest things are said last? People can hang out and talk for hours without really saying much of anything and then, at the very end of the night, linger at the doorway saying good night and then finally speak the truth. Often the very best things slip out at the very end, introduced with the words 'Oh, and by the way.'"

Well, tonight we are gathered at one of those doorways.

This graduation ceremony marks your passage from the end of childhood
to the real beginning of adulthood. I suspect that many of us will be
lingering at the door with you tonight, waiting with one hand on the
doorknob not wanting to say goodbye and not quite being able to say
what we want to say.

- Rob Siltanen

Wendy had a copy of Siltanen's inspirational grad speech, and so I asked her to send it to me. Honestly, when he got to this part, that's when I almost started to lose it. I felt like my eyes were tearing up something fierce, even though they didn't. Actually, I can't even remember the last time I cried. It's odd. There's been a few times I was REALLY REALLY close, but all I ever get is that tight feeling in your chest, then my eyes barely get watery, before the whole mechanism shuts down. Haha, it's not even "manlyness". It's like an emotional numbness.

I feel like there's been so many times where I just sprinted through that doorway, not looking back, but then eventually and inevitably slowly inching my way back, with my hand firmly grasping the door handle. Argh, Stupid fucking kid who can't move on.

I want to finish watching Paris Je T'Aime. Teresa lent it to me the week before everyone left, but I only finished about half the shorts. I really enjoyed them too. It's fun seeing different filmmakers and the lens they see the city with.

Hmm, how about some funny stuff? After all, my freakin' banner at the top is very Kevin Smith-esque, and his writings are hilarious.

Did you hear the one about the old married couple?
Haha.
Uhm. Yeah, I got nothin'.

I really should register to vote soon.
GObama!


Awesome Art by Alex Ross

Come on. McCain? Palin? Really?

No, no regurgitated political crap either. I can't stand it when people get into those discussions.